Saturday, September 22, 2012

To all the folks in real life and online that I have lost touch with over the years...

...don't think that just because you don't hear from me that I have forgotten you.

 

What the world needs now: Inflatable Unicorn Horns For Cats!

Friday, September 21, 2012

(Insane News) Rush Limbaugh claims men's genitals are shrinking because of Feminazis...


From COMEDY CENTRAL'S INDECISION

"I think it's feminism. If it's tied to the last 50 years — the average size of [a male's] member is 10 percent smaller than 50 years [ago] — it has to be the feminazis, the chickification and everything else. Give them time and they'll blame Bush. But air pollution versus feminazis? Ha!"




Hard to believe he's been married four times...

'Do It With A Rockstar' by Amanda Palmer SING IT YOU CRAZY CHICK!






Here's the latest installment of LOVECRAFT IS MISSING

And now apalate cleanser... the trailer for HYPOTHERMIA

From ARROW IN THE HEAD

 

No comments:

Most tasteless and offensive zombie movie ever! (I mean what the Hell?)

From ARROW IN THE HEAD;

I was very tempted not to post this bit of news, as it gives the makers of the film I’m about to discuss press that they do not deserve. Yet the concept for this movie is too atrociously insensitive not to report. This sort of idiocy is bound to grab headlines eventually, so ladies and gentlemen, I give you the trailer for TOWERS OF TERROR. It’s an indie zombie film whose pitch can be summed up as “9/11 with zombies.” No, I’m not joking...

 

On September 11, 2001, two groups decide to race to the top of each of the World Trade Center buildings. The towers are hit by terrorist attacks, but the terrorists don't die in the plane crash; they resurrect as zombies hell-bent on their mission to destroy America. As these undead jihadists continue on their path of destruction armed with box-cutters and nail-clippers, the Americans must learn to stand united in their patriotism or else face gruesome death in twin 110 story bloodbaths!

 

 

 

 

 

 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????

Check out some of the Fantastic Four costume redesigns at PROJECT ROOFTOP

From PROJECT ROOFTOP

 

by Rohan Carter

 

by Alex Mitchell

by Alex Mitchell

 

by Brodie H Brockie

 

by Jiang Yifan

Support your local soon to be starving writer!

Here we go again friends and followers. I am still trying to get my car back on the road but since we are just scraping by these days it isn't going to happen any time soon.

Unless you can help! If you can make any kind of a donation to my blog it will be used to get my car back on the road to keep me from having to call in broke to work!





Any donors will be listed with all the other cool kids on THE PATRONS PAGE!

Only you can save me from my life of quiet desperation!

More news bloopers!

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Thursday, September 20, 2012

BUZZFEED reveals the dark philosophical underpinnings of Honey Boo Boo Child.

From BUZZFEED

 

Tumblr users have been mashing up GIFs from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo with really dark existential quotes. The result is amazingly great...

 

 

 

 

 

Do you want Peter Jackson to direct and episode of DOCTOR WHO? If so I have an email address for you!

From BLEEDING COOL

 

 

Matt Smith said that he’d like it if Peter Jackson directed an episode of Doctor Who. It’s the sort of thing I might have said myself. Would have meant nothing had I said it, of course, but when Smith opened his mouth, this happened:

I’m a huge Doctor Who fan, and I think Matt’s fantastic. Just name a time and place, and I’ll be there!

That’s Jackson speaking, in quote from The Waikato Times, a New Zealand news paper who are now trying to marshall fan enthusiasm:

If you’d like to see Doctor Who and the TARDIS materialise in New Zealand email executive producers Steven Moffat and Caro Skinner to tell them.

The BBC’s Doctor Who website is asking fans to send questions about the show, running at 8.30pm on Thursdays on Prime, to the pair at thedoctor@bbc.co.uk.

Get on it, New Zealand. And if you can at least pretend to be in New Zealand, maybe you should e-mail in too.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

HP Lovecraft's 'The Aristocrats!'




There is a joke comedians tell each other called the Aristocrats, there was a movie about it but just in case you haven’t heard of it this is Wikipedia’s description of it;


The setup: The joke always begins with a family act going in to see a talent agent.


Those who meet the agent can include the whole family or just one family member (usually the father).


The agent asks what they do (sometimes after saying that he is not interested, and a plea from the father).


If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.


2.The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.


While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.


Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, and ribald The goal is to significantly transgress social norms. Taboo acts such as incest, rape, coprophilia, coprophagy, beastiality and murder are common themes.


3.The punch line: The shocked (or intrigued) agent asks what the act is called, and the proud answer (sometimes delivered with a flourish) is: "The Aristocrats!"


You may have heard this joke or a variation this joke and not realized it was a secret handshake for comedians. I know I had never heard of it and I had tried to be a stand up comic in my younger days. (The less said about that the better.) The idea is to have your version outdo the previous tellings in vulgarity. Bob Saget explained that the beginning and end of the joke is set, the middle joke is where you have free reign to do whatever you want.

Now you may wonder what the Hell this has to do with Lovecraft, well it occurred to me recently that in a certain way a lot of Mythos/Lovecraftian fiction follows a similar structure.


Consider the way many of our favorite stories go;

1.The setup: The story begins with a protagonist, usually an innocent academic or unlucky bystander


In many cases the story is told in the first person viewpoint.


The protagonists own tale is frequently told in a nested format with other people’s stories making up his tale. The final part of the Call Of Cthulhu is a good example of this; the main character never sees Cthulhu in the gelatinous flesh, he just relates to us what he read in another man’s journal.


The more our hero learns the more of what he thought to be the rational world falls away.


2.The investigation: The protagonist is frequently exposed to a secret society, cult or lineage that has transgressed social norms. In almost all cases worship or direct exposure to the Mythos has either been the cause or result of their transgressions.


The protagonist then either encounters undeniable evidence of the Mythos or an actual creature of the Mythos. The encounter could be with an established aspect or creature or could be a entirely new creation but this is the part that has the most elements of the author's imagination and style.


3.The Conclusion The protagonist has his worldview utterly shaken, or goes mad or dies. In some stories the world itself is destroyed which is a Hell of a worldview changer.


So, what do you think? Do you agree,? Disagree? Need a SAN roll?

Suddenly Sifl & Olly... SUDDENLY SIFL & OLLY EVERYWHERE!

























Hey it can't be boobies every week!

Get well soon Janet Fielding... please.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS REPORTS JANET FIELDING is battling cancer.

 

No more details about her condition are known at the moment but Peter Davison, whose Doctor she appeared opposite as Tegan Jovanka, has won the support of other ex-Doctor actors to launch a charity fund-raising convention - Project Motor Mouth - that aims to "not only raise money for a good cause but also keep Janet's spirits up." Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, and David Tennant are the first guests announced for the event, which will take place on Saturday 19th January 2013 at the Copthorne Hotel Slough-Windsor. All guests will be appearing subject to work commitments...

 

I really hope she gets well soon, there have been too many goodbyes in the world of DOCTOR WHO lately.

Another of OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS...

A new installment of THE SECRET KNOTS is a cause for celebration.

Contrary to popular belief the trailer for INBRED does not feature any of my relatives.

Also in honor of 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' here is Spangles the cross-eyed kitty!

In honor of 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' pirate themed menstrual pads?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

SIFL & OLLY ARE BACK!!!!

 

No comments:

Hey look, Sony is going to make a movie based on the TV series MANIMAL... WHAT?

From TOPLESS ROBOT

 

Sony Pictures Animation has picked up the movie rights to Manimal, a short-lived 1983 NBC series, and is developing the project as a live action/CG hybrid film.
...
Manimal followed Dr. Jonathan Chase, a wealthy doctor with a mysterious past, who morphed into animals in order to help the police fight crime.
 
The show, which starred Brit Simon MacCorkindale and Melody Anderson (who played Dale Arden in the 1980 movie Flash Gordon), was slaughtered by critics and trounced when it aired in 1983 opposite Dallas, then a ratings juggernaut. It was canceled after just eight episodes...
 

The trailer for SINISTER looks kinda... SINISTER

Monday, September 17, 2012

THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Chapter Seventeen part two



The Cold Inside
Chapter Seventeen
part two
By AL BRUNO III

Friday November 25, 1994


The Carvale Home was always subdued the day after Thanksgiving. Some of the residents were away with their loved ones for the holiday but most were here, forgotten and abandoned. The facility was short-handed and the staff that was on hand did not want to be there.

Phil pushed Zara in her wheelchair. The cold weather kept them inside, pacing the Home's twisting hallways.

“No Carol today huh?” Phil asked.

Zara nodded. Nodding was all she could do now, the strokes had left her aphasic.

“Everybody's got to have a four day weekend,” Phil grumbled as he rolled her down the hallway of empty administrative offices, “in our day people worked.”

Turning off the administrative hallway Phil pushed Zara past the kitchens and the cafeteria. The staff was busy cleaning up from lunch, the air was heavy with the smell of disinfectants.

“So how was the Thanksgiving here? For what I'm paying you should have filet mignon for breakfast lunch and dinner.” Because he had been occupied with Tristam's last free lesson Phil had only been able to stay with Zara through the afternoon. He was getting exhausted so quickly, another reminder of how long he had been out of practice. It had been stupid for him to let his abilities lapse but it would have been even more stupid for him to get caught or killed because he had been pitching in the bullpen.

Zara reached up with her good hand and patted his wrist. Phil suppressed a shudder, her arm was bony and peppered with liver spots. What had time and illness done to the woman he loved? Had he saved her from death almost forty years ago just to see her final days reduced to this? Would he have been better off just leaving her tied to that altar? He thought of Victor and his blades and frowned, No. Never.

Turning another corner they returned to Zara's room, her private room; Phil's safety deposit boxes full of cash had seen to that. Bad enough she had to go through this nightmare, there was no way she was going through this with some roommate. Half the patients here were either bugshit crazy with senility or more concerned with dying than living.

But not us babe. He thought as he helped her into bed, When this is done, we're gonna leave Gawain Wight, Victor Kovach and even Death himself wondering what the frig happened.

Phil drew the covers up to her waist and pulled up a chair, he laced his fingers in hers, “You want to watch some TV?”

Zara smiled, Phil clicked on the remote. The Price Is Right was on. It had always made her laugh the way he mocked the contestants and the spokesmodels. Phil glanced back at her for a moment.

“Sweets.” He said evenly, “Where is your watch?”

It was a fairly expensive watch, he'd bought it for her birthday. “Zara?”

Her only answer was to look away. She seemed almost ashamed.

On the TV the announcer was calling for the contestants to 'Come On Down' but Phil was searching through her night table and her closets. He even gave the bathroom a once over. “Zara? Where is your watch?”

No watch. No nothing. First the ring I gave her now this. Is she starting to loose it upstairs?

No. I won’t think that, I can't think that!

There were tears welling up in her eyes

Did she lose the watch or had it been stolen? How could he be sure?

He remembered saying once, “It was a real snake pit… but the Goddamn State came in and made them clean up their act.”

Had the Carvale Home really cleaned up its act? Had it really?

Phil thought, They could do anything to her here. They could do anything to her and she couldn't even scream for help. She couldn't even tell anyone what had happened.

Shaking, he sat down on the bed.