Saturday, June 23, 2012

It's that time again! My semi-regular request for your patronage...

Make a donation! All money donated goes to upkeep and art and much needed grammar lessons! All donors will be listed on the PATRONS' PAGE!

 
 

 

 

Any donors will be listed with all the other cool kids on THE PATRONS PAGE!

(and you'll be helping me to get our stuff out of hock!)

 

And with that done let's get back to our regularly scheduled silliness!

(Reommended Reads) 'Confession' by settinsail of NOSLEEP

So I don't know where else to turn and I'm being told I need to confess. I can't tell you where I live, because word might get back to my family, or maybe where I used to work, and that's really not something I want to think about.

It seems like you guys like a good story, so I guess this is as good a place as any to get a few things off my chest. Someone needs to hear what I have to say, and if I want to stay out of jail, I can't tell the shrink. That fucker doesn't help anyway. He just asks me stupid-ass questions about my ex-wife and prescribes me bullshit like Zoloft. That stuff doesn't help. Yeah, it was nice at first. When I started taking it, I was stoned out of my mind for a good two weeks. But after I got used to it, life was right back to where it was…freakouts, restlessness, headaches, feeling like I was too big for my own skin. The zaps were the worst, though… the "Zoloft zaps". Serotonin withdrawals. I quit taking them after I realized they weren't doing any good. You'd just be sitting there and all of a sudden you'd get this bright flash in the back of your brain, except it wasn't a flash, and it felt like your eyeballs did a barrel roll. Like the earth hiccuped....

 

 

click here to read the rest

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Eighty Seven

The pirate Captain Black said “When I think about you I touch myself.” First Mate Bettie was horrified because he had hooks for hands.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Eighty Six

“All right all right, I'll help deliver your baby,” Psychotic Kid said with exasperation, “but don't push it.”

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Eighty Five

Dr. Zombie fed his prisoners a mixture of human flesh and noodles. It was a ghoulish goulash.

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Eighty Four

One by one the spirits of Kriely High School's honor roll came back until the building was filled with the ghosts of students passed.

There's a guy that think LORD OF THE RINGS ripped off HARRY POTTER... what? What? WHAT?

(Insane News) Crazy lady decides that climbing an electrical pylon is a good idea.

From THE CHIVE 

A 21-year-old Czech girl who spent four hours smoking super-strength skunk cannabis had to be rescued by policemen from atop an electric pylon. How would this happen you ask? Well, apparently she was so high that she was hallucinating that the power lines were a bridge. Police spokesman Jan Macalikova said: “She was convinced, though, that the pylon was a bridge across the Morava river.” Drugs counselors and police eventually persuaded her to come down after two hours on the pylon...

 

 

 

BUZZFEED shows us some amazing Lovecraftian tattoos... I wonder what HP would have thought...

From BUZZFEED

 

 

 

 

BAD NEWS EVERYONE!!! The results are in and THE DOCTOR'S ARMY WINS!!!



The question was Who would win in a fight? The Planet Express Crew or The Doctor's Army?


87 folks voted and the results are-




The planet express crew with 25% of the vote...



And the Doctor's Army a clear winner with 74% of the vote.

Wait... who did the 1% vote for? The Tomorrow People?

Is there any toy as boring and useless as a hula hoop?
















Oh...





...uhm...





...never mind.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Hey pet owners, we've all been through this haven't we?

Need a fresh stool sample? The check out the trailer for HEAVEN AND HELL!

Hey folks why not check out my FUZZ?

...no wait that didn't come out right...

 

Anyway the folks at BLIP.fm have created a knew service called FUZZ that allows you to make your own personalized radio stations,.  I have been creating some soundtracks for my stories. Please enjoy.

 

 

Al Bruno III's FUZZ stations

(Recommended Artist) Check out 'Sarah Easton Photography'

Laid back photographer seeks crazy models

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Oh sure she says she seeks crazy models but when I showed up at her house in a thong and a top hat she called the police!)

OUR VAULED CUSTOMERS needs more fiber!

5 Second Fiction Two Thousand and Eighty Three

Some people's names can be sung in time with the Flash Gordon theme song and some cannot. The former will always envy the latter.

DEN OF GEEK lists 50 genuinely creepy horror movies!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Bullshit or not? MADAME VASTRA AND JENNY ARE COMING BACK????




For some reason this song always makes me thing of my high school sweetheart... SING IT BARENAKED LADIES!!!


Ah bittersweet memories… I’m still glad ended up with my wife tho… Mrs. Bruno’s got it going on…

A FridayFlash/Pricebreaks and Heartaches Announcement

For a time I was running a prose surplus, I had years of PRICEBREAKS AND HEARTACHES material but now I am not and the pressure of doing three prose updates a week is starting to wear me out.


So, going forward there will be no Monday prose updates and instead PRICEBREAKS AND HEARTACHES story lines updates will start appearing irregularly as FRIDAYFLASH serials.


Thanks for your understanding, please keep reading and keep circulating the blog.


Now in honor of the change here is the very first installment of PRICEBREAKS AND HEARTACHES;



Price Breaks and Heartaches

a journal of retail and failed romance

Prologue

I No Longer Fear Hell for I Have Been To the Senior Prom

part one



(The following story is true- except for the parts I totally made up. The names have been changed to protect the people I loved and to protect me from the people I hated)


The Junior Prom left a bad taste in my mouth, and not just because my date never cleaned her damn braces. I vowed there was no way I was going to waste my time and money again, there was no way I was going to the Senior Prom.

Besides as far as I my teenage mind was concerned there was only one girl for me but I was afraid to ask her for more. I was too afraid of being rejected.

So imagine my surprise when one day, a mere three weeks before the date of the Prom I ended up with a Prom date. It was a whirlwind romance; boy meets girl at the library, boy takes girl to the mall for a burger after school, boy and girl make out behind the dumpster at the Empire Burger

And that was why I asked Agnes Malone to be my date for the Prom.

Agnes and I were pretty much inseparable for the three weeks leading up to the prom but I started to notice that she was slowly changing from the from a sweet girl that enjoyed my company to a short tempered she-vixen that did not suffer fools gladly.

Since I am something of a fool you can see the problems this raised.

I wasn’t surprised really though because at the age of 18 I was firmly convinced there were two things I could not live without but would never be able to understand-cars and women. Both tended to get me in a lot of trouble, both always seemed to cost me a lot of money, and both had a habit of falling apart on me in the most unexpected of ways.

Still though, I made it to the prom and damn if I didn't look good in a tux, a chunky James Bond if ever there was one. My date looked pretty good too with her floor length skirt and plunging neckline. My younger brother had the car that weekend so we decided to share a limo with my friend Corey and his date Velma.

The banquet hall of the local Marriott was decked out in the finest decorations that could be bought on a limited budget. As I looked around I saw a few of the students that treated me like a person, there was annoying Joanna, wealthy Adrian, the unique Kevin K. Hanson and then there was Lilly- the one that got away and kept getting away. I introduced Agnes to all of them and for a time we mingled.

Adrian was already pissed off because he'd gotten an expensive white tuxedo to wear to the prom and had tripped walking up the front steps to his date's house and now had ass to elbow grass-stains. Kevin K. Hanson was having a great time at the Prom, he and his date were boogieing and cutting up. I never realized his sister was such a good dancer.

And of course that damned Joanna had to come over and talk to us; her and her idiot loser boyfriend of the week. I talked to her as briefly as I could and tried to keep from rolling my eyes every time she spoke. Stupid annoying Joanna.

Pretty soon it was time for us to all go to our tables and enjoy our overpriced meals. I had gotten my tickets for the Prom very late in the game so we pretty much had no choice of where we were going to sit. I didn't give much thought to it however, what was the worst that could happen?

And that was how I found myself seated at a table near the back with just about every guy that had ever beaten me up in gym class...


Click Here To Continue

Ice cream anyone?

Rest In Peace Caroline John (Doctor Who companion Liz Shaw)

from DOCTOR WHO NEWS

 

The actress Caroline John - who played companion Liz Shaw - has died, it was announced today. The news came via a tweet from the BBC on the Doctor Who Twitter feed. The actress passed away on 5th June, but the news was undisclosed by the family until after the funeral took place yesterday in south-west London. The cause of death is unknown as yet...

 

Speaking of weird boners, the final LIFE IN HELL COMIC STRIP ran last week...

I always enjoyed the Hell out of LIFE IN HELL... I wonder if the strip's creator has something to fall back on...

 

(that was a joke kids)

 

THE ABADDON continues to give me the weirdest boners!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Check out this short film that adapts Lovecraft's PICKMAN'S MODEL!

Thanks to THE LOVECRAFT EZINE for sharing this.

 

No comments:

The trailer for THE WATCH makes me wonder - will this be a thematic sequel to THE BURBS or a 'stand your ground' public relations nightmare?

From BLEEDING COOL

 

 

No comments:

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

YOG-BLOGSOTH reveals THE THING IN THE MOONLIGHT...

THE COLD INSIDE (a serial novel) Chapter Thirteen part one

The Cold Inside

Chapter Thirteen

part one

By AL BRUNO III


Saturday November 12, 1994



“The pizza’s on me,” Tristam said opening his wallet. “Well, my Mom really.”


Drew peered cautiously inside, “How much did she give you?


“Fifty Bucks”


They had gathered, as they did every Saturday, in the living room of Greg Fletcher’s house. With a couch, a love seat and two folding chairs there was just enough room for the whole gang. Their papers, pencils and dice crowded the coffee table. Greg sat with a milk crate of D&D books to one side of him and a portable CD player thrumming out the soundtrack from Conan the Barbarian on the other.


Everyone except for Rich was in their casual clothes. Rich he had come straight over from work, still wearing his Burger Clown uniform he reeked of sweat and secret spices. He smiled appreciatively at the fifty, “Behold the power of guilt.”


From her place on the couch between them Drew snatched it away “The ink is still wet on this!”


More care than money had been spent on the adornment of the room, the furniture was mismatched but comfortable. The walls were decorated with framed photographs of the Fletcher family and luxurious paintings of religious scenes. The Dali print was Tristam’s favorite, there was just something about it he loved.


The curtains were drawn back from the bay windows bathing the room in light, setting the gilded edges of the picture frames glimmering.


Tristam glared playfully at Drew, “You give that back this minute young lady or sometime during the game, when you least expect it, I will give you a wet wobbie the likes of which you have never seen.”


Warren bristled from his place on the love seat, “Just freakin try it.”


Everyone froze. Warren glanced from them to the mayonnaise jar full of dollar bills on the mantle. “I said freakin’.”


“Keep it up Warren,” Adelphos said, “you and that Swear Jar are going to put Greg through divinity school.”


The Swear Jar had been the idea of Greg’s Dad. In Tristam’s opinion Greg’s Dad was a pretty laid back guy for a minister. Sometimes they could hear him in his den working on his sermons with Iron Maiden playing on his stereo.


Drew gave the fifty back, “Gotta love it when the parents are wrong.”


“Your parents are frequently wrong?” Yusuf leaned forward in his chair.


“And yours aren’t?” Adelphos gave him a funny look.


Yusuf shook his head “Never.”


Tristam pocketed the bill and went back to looking over his character sheet. He’d only been playing with them since October and he sometimes had a hard time keeping track of it all. The different stats, the modifiers and all the charts relating to said stat and its modifier. And the dice! How could one game need so many different kinds? Dice with four sides, six sides, eight sides and even twenty sides! Couldn’t they just use the normal kind?


“What did your Mother do that was wrong?” Drew asked.


“She punished me for something I didn’t do. She thought I cut the assembly but I didn’t. I was innocent.”


Warren snorted and grumbled under his breath.


“I wouldn’t be here now if Greg hadn’t vouched for me.”


“All in a day’s work.” Greg looked up from his dog-eared Monster Manual “My next project will be world peace.”


“Oh I see.” Adelphos leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head, “And what are you going to do with the rest of your weekend?”


Greg thought a moment then smiled, “Marry Gillian Anderson.”


Rich gave him a hurt look, “Hey now I had dibs.”


“Tristam,” Warren leaned forward, “do you honestly mean to tell me that you didn’t do something worthy of a grounding last week?”


Tristam narrowed his eyes “What is your problem?”


“You have the temerity to sit there and claim you‘re innocent,” Warren said. “You’re not innocent of anything.”


Drew buried her face in her hands, “Here we go again.”


Yusuf spoke up, “I would like to say at this point that we are all sinful in the eyes of God and only through his divine grace-”


“Wait.” Rich interrupted, “Where does that leave me? I’m agnostic.”


Yusuf frowned sadly, “Your goose is pretty much cooked.”


Rich pounded his fist into his hand “Nuts!”


“Yes you are.” Yusuf managed to say before starting to laugh


“All right!” Greg waved a hand in the air to restore order, “No one here is going to H- E- Double hockey sticks unless they have a note from their parents. I must insist.”


“He’s stern but fair, I like that.” Drew said admiringly.


Adelphos agreed “And he’s fair but stern.”


“Sternly fair?” Rich started laughing again.


“Fairly stern?” Yusuf added and then they were all off again. They only sour faces were Warren’s and Tristam’s


Warren asked “What I want to know is how long is it going to be before you sell us out?”


“What?” Tristam almost dropped his dice.


“When are you going to do something to us to get you back in the good graces of the Pretty Boys?”


“I can’t believe you used to call us the Pretty Boys and I can’t believe you’re obsessing over this when you should be obsessing over... you know... pies.”


“Cocksucker!” Warren grabbed a book from the coffee table and threw it at him.


Tristam ducked the slim paperback and was on his feet his arm already drawing back. Greg and Yusuf got between them. Drew was too stunned to move. Rich just stared at the copy of The Dancers at the End of Time lying on the floor, “...my book...”



Click Here To Continue

The NSFW trailer for V/H/S shows great potential!

From BRUTAL AS HELL

This latest outfit from PLAID STALLIONS makes a statement. I am just not sure what the statement is...

Dolphin Hentai Hijinks?

From i09

 

One of the individuals of the group surprised us leaping out of the water with an unexpected guest attached to its belly (right on top of its genital slit!) [...] After this high leap, presumably executed to get rid of this intrusive octopus, the dolphin continued to swim with the other three members of its group without manifesting any signs of distress [...]

 

So apparently the new Spider-Man acts just like one of my brothers...

but I'll let them figure out which one I mean...


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Monday, June 18, 2012

(Insane News) "Holbrook man used sausage links as weapon"

found via FARK.com

A Holbrook man was charged after police said he attacked and robbed a Brockton man using stolen sausage links and a wrench at West Street and Forest Avenue Sunday morning.

The victim told police he was riding his bike about 8 a.m. Sunday when Michael A. Baker, whom he does not know, came up to him “and started swinging sausage links at him,” Lt. David Dickinson said Sunday...

click here to read the rest

(Insane News) "...Drunk Man Couldn't Take Kitten Into Strip Club Repeatedly Called 911"

Found via FARK.com



Murdock, FL-- When you enter any type of night club you usually have to follow certain rules. Sometimes those rules include what you can and can't bring with you inside, like say a...live kitten.

A man in Florida apparently didn't think those rules applied to him when he tried to take his Kitten into of all places a strip club. But it's what the man did after being refused entry into the club, that got him arrested.

Deputies were called shortly after 9:00 pm on Tuesday, to the Emerald City in Murdock after the owner said he told Everett Robert Lages, 47 to leave. The owner said Lages had attempted to bring a kitten into the club.

Instead of leaving, witnesses said Lages sat down outside the business and repeatedly called 911.

When the deputies spoke with Lages, they noted that he appeared intoxicated. They told him he needed to leave the premises and assisted in calling a taxi for him. However when the taxi arrived, Lages would not cooperate with the driver. He refused to give his address or say where he wanted to be taken. Instead Lages began yelling and causing a disturbance. Lages insisted that the club owner had committed a crime and continued to call 911 on his cell phone, even though the deputies were on the scene...


click here to read the rest


Sunday, June 17, 2012

(In honor of Father's Day) Suddenly my Dad. SUDDENLY MY DAD EVERYWHERE!!!

 

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