Let's get a decent Super Bowl Half Time show for once!
Let's get a decent Super Bowl Half Time show for once!
“My friends, Clive here. I’m at home now after a while in hospital, thanks to a nearly fatal case of Toxic Shock brought on by a visit to my dentist. Apparently this is not uncommon. In my case the dental work unloaded such a spillage of poisonous bacteria into my blood that my whole system crashed, putting me into a coma.I spent several days in Intensive Care, with a machine breathing for me. Later, my Doctors said that they had not anticipated a happy ending until I started to fight, repeatedly pulling out the tubes that I was constantly gagging on. After a few days of nightmarish delusions I woke up to my life again, tired, twenty pounds lighter, but happy to be back from a very dark place. And here in the world I intend to stay. I’ve books to write ,films to make and paintings to paint. I seem to have come home with my sight clearer somehow, and my sense of purpose intensified.Thank you all for your messages your prayers and love. What better reason to wake to life than knowing I have such friends? Again,thank you. My love to you always. Clive.”
If you haven't read his novel IMAJICA you should. It is a fantastic book.
First off lets have Anderson Cooper give us the low down on what moorlock in training Karl Lagerfield had to say about the singer Adele...
And thanks to Anderson Cooper for putting that moron in his place but here is what the lady had to say for herself...
I have said it before and I will say it again... if you dismiss a woman just because of her dress size- maybe there is something wrong with you not her.
The Nick Of Time (and other abrasions)
Al Bruno III
They were such a mismatched pair. First there was Jason Magwier; diminutive and scheming, his close cropped hair was dark brown, his gaze was as unblinking as it was mournful. Then there was Zeth; cool-eyed, muscular with his graying dreadlocks tied back with a bit of ribbon, his clothes were loose fitting enough to hide his two shoulder holsters and the blade he kept hidden up his sleeve. When he moved it was with an almost feline grace, his ebony skin was marked with old scars.
The men had many adversaries and a great number of them snidely dismissed Zeth as Magwier’s bodyguard. Both men would bristle at such accusations. After all hadn’t they both been saving each other’s lives for over a decade? Hadn’t they explored countless forgotten realms, fought against otherworldly unstoppable menaces and been banned from almost every poetry slam on the west coast?
All this was true and more, but it didn’t change the fact that at this moment, on the long and winding street known as Route d'Abbaye, that Zeth was the only thing keeping Magwier from being throttled by his girlfriend.
“The Lunts?” Lorelei shouted. “You brought me out here to protect the Lunts?”
Zeth was standing in front of the girl, the silver-plated maul he had slung over his right shoulder looked ridiculous.
“Erm...” Magwier said sheepishly, “...in a manner of speaking, yes.”
“Goddess Damnit!” She dove at her lover, he dodged to safety, “The fucking Lunts?”
“Just hear me out!” Magwier said.
Lorelei was jumping up and down with rage, “Give me that hammer Zeth! Just for five minutes.”
Zeth shook his head, “No.”
“Give me that hammer or I swear I’ll turn you into a newt.”
“A newt... right.”
“A big black newt but it’ll be a newt!”
The windows of the nearby brownstones were either barred or smashed open, some had lights burning in them but most were dark. A car passed by the trio and while the roar of its engine didn’t drown out Lorelei’s shouts it made some of her more obscure profanities harder to recognize.
“Now, now,” Magwier kept walking and talking, leading Lorelei and Zeth into a parking lot. It was half empty and some of the cars were covered with decades of dust and grime, “I told you Dr. Flesh is on a paid, one night only killing spree. I just didn’t specify his targets.”
Zeth rolled his eyes.
“You always do this!” Lorelei spoke through clenched teeth, “You give us little nibbles but never enough to let us see the full story.”
Magwier paused and stared off philosophically, “Maybe there is no big story. Maybe life is just a series of interlocking vignettes.”
That only made Lorelei madder, she tried to kick him with her clunky boots but he was too fast, “I am not going to risk my neck for that clan of inbred, monkey-worshipping pigfuckers!”
Zeth snickered at that.
“Please-” Magwier said, “I think you’re judging the situation too harshly.”
“The Lunts are a pack of deviants and criminals.”
“Not all. One of them is a Notary Public.”
“They tried to assassinate my mother six times and have been gunning for me since I was twelve. And of course how could we forget the very bottom of the Lunt family gene pool- Jack Diamond? I guess this means that we’re going to try and save the man that beat me eight ways to Sunday and tried to rape one of my best friends?”
Magwier shrugged, “Probably.”
“We should have killed him by now. I should have killed him.”
This was a familiar argument. Lorelei wanted Jack Diamond dead and wasn’t afraid to do the job herself. She wasn’t even twenty yet but she’d taken more lives than she cared to think about. She liked to think most of her victims had deserved it. “They’re evil,” she said, “and utterly ruthless.”
Magwier stopped so suddenly that Lorelei crashed into him, “Exactly. So who would dare try and kill them all? What if it’s someone worse? What if they succeed?”
It seemed like all of the street had gone quiet. Lorelei opened and closed her mouth several times before sighing with resignation, “What now?”
“Well,” Magwier said, “we’ve got one Hell of a hammer.”
Now it was Zeth’s turn to sigh heavily, “So you did plan that whole thing.”
“That’s the beauty of a serendipity spirit. Everything we need will be here on this one street, every player in this little series of vignettes won’t be able to leave until sunrise.”
Lorelei cocked an eyebrow, “Including us?”
“Well, yes,” Magwier grinned.
“So if everything goes to Hell we won’t be able to get away?” Lorelei said, “We’ll be stuck running up and down the same damn street like rats in a really shitty maze?”
“Errrr... I don’t really see it that way.”
“Damn right you don’t. You never do.” Lorelei cast a glance at Zeth. “am I right? Back me up here.”
Zeth shrugged, “I’m sure he has everything under control...” He paused, “Nope. I can’t even say that with a straight face.”
“And you do realize one of my roommates is a Lunt right?” Lorelei’s face paled.
“By marriage only,” Jason said. “Besides I sent her off on a fools errand. Audra is too far away to get caught up in my little web of circumstance.”
“Now come along,” he led them from the half-abandoned parking lot, “I have an idea where our quarry might be.”
“Oh!” Lorelei caught up to him again, “Darling...”
“Yes, my sweet?” Magwier turned on his heel.
And Loreleu laid him out flat with a single punch. “My other roommate Judy is the one that’s a Lunt you puking beetle-headed scullion!”
By the time Magwier had gotten back to his feet she had stormed off. “She hit me,” he said as he dabbed at his split lip, “Zeth why did you let her do that?”
Zeth shrugged, “I’m not your bodyguard.”
State Senator Constance Johnson of Oklahoma City has served Oklahoma’s 48th Senate District since 2005, but it was yesterday’s introduction of Senate Bill 1433 that really pushed her over the edge. The bill sought to define human life as beginning at the moment of conception, before it’s even implanted in the womb, and offers full legal protection to those tiny multicelled lumps. In the words of the bill, “the unborn child at every stage of development (has) all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.”
Johnson submitted an amendment of her own to the bill, which would have added the language,
However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child...
and yet makes me curse that I no longer have a gaming group!
... the latest newsletter from publishers Cubicle 7, released earlier this evening, states:
"We'll be reporting back on this in more detail very soon, but theEleventh Doctor Edition of the game is in the process of going to press. The PDF should be ready in a couple of weeks. It's looking great, as is the Time Travellers Companion, for which it has been a delight going through all the classic series images. You'll see even more of these inDefending the Earth - the UNIT sourcebook.
"With the release of the new edition, we'll be getting back on track with the long-awaited supplements, along with a host of so-far-unnanounced products. And then there's the 50th Anniversary... it's going to be a fantastic time for the game. So watch out for updates in future newsletters!"
A couple in Pennsylvania has found a purple squirrel in their backyard. The last time the world saw a purple squirrel was in the UK in 2008. No one knows why the squirrels are this way...
THE COLD INSIDE
By AL BRUNO III
Wednesday November 9, 1994
Mysteries of the Mind forgotten Tristam ran down the crowded first floor hallway of Blessed Heart’s main building, elbowing his way through the uniformed throng he called out, “Monique! Monique wait!”
She was at her locker, exchanging one set of books for another. When he called her name again she glanced his way, there was a flicker of something in her eyes- joy, surprise, something- but it was quickly replaced by dull horror. She looked like she was getting ready to make a break for the stairwell when he caught up with her.
“I need to talk to you.”
She slammed her locker door closed, “Too bad.”
“No. Just hear me, you never let me explain. You just went along with everybody else.”
“I know what you did. Everybody knows what you did.”
“Monique you were my girlfriend.”
“Oh God.” She tried to go but he grabbed her by the arm.
“But you were,” They were drawing a crowd, the mass of students was slowing to gape and snicker.
“Maybe I was your girlfriend but that was before…”
“You don’t understand what really happened.”
She turned back to face him, “Do you really think I could ever be seen with you again? What would my parents say? What would my friends say?”
“Are you... Are you going out with Bobby Hilton?”
“Is that what this is about? I don’t belong to you.”
“Who gave you that hickey?”
She recoiled from him, her hands drifting up to the collar of her turtle-neck sweater, “This is the last thing I will ever say to you- I am not going out with Bobby Hilton.”
Tristam shuddered with relief. It proved that everyone else was wrong and he was right, it proved that there was still a chance.
“She’s going out with me Dog-Boy,” Evan grabbed him by the back of the neck and shoved Tristam face first into a locker. Sparks danced before his vision, he tasted blood. Evan spun him around and glared at him, “And you stay away from her freak. Do you hear me?”
Tristam looked back to Monique but she wouldn’t make eye contact.
“I said, do you hear me?” Evan’s grip tightened menacingly.
“Yes what?” he grinned a little.
“Yes I will stay away from Monique.”
“No. Say ‘Yes I will stay away from Monique... sir.’” Evan played to the crowd of onlookers, “Do it or I will beat you like you beat that fuckin’ dog.”
His cheeks burning with humiliation Tristam said, “Yes I will stay away from Monique sir.”
“Damn right you will,” Evan punched Tristam in the side of the face. His vision became a flicker of blackness. He felt his knees buckling but caught himself before he fell.
Tristam watched Evan and Monique walk away. The warning bell rung. Laughter filled his ears, he heard someone chuckling, “What a fuckin’ wimp.” and for a moment he envied the infamous Jeff Hayes all the more.
How far did they push him? He wondered How far did they push him before he had enough?